Dear Friends,
This final note is to thank all of you who have followed our journey from June, 2008, through yesterday, when nearly 1000 people came to St. Mary Parish to see Den for the last time. It was, I thought, a beautiful tribute to a wonderful, special man. I want to give special thanks to all of the alumni who returned to sing -- that meant more than you'll ever know.
While I can't begin to imagine what life will be like now, I know that Denny will always be with me. I know he is at peace and I hope he is golfing, playing basketball, biking, or even correcting papers--all things he loved but has been unable to do for far too long.
Thank you for all of the wonderful things you said about Denny. I was lucky to be married to such a remarkable man and we were fortunate to be blessed with wonderful kids and grandkids. We both loved our jobs and the extended family we have had at Xavier. The support and love they have always shown, but particularly these past months, has been phenomenal, and I know that will continue when I return to work.
So, although it ended way too soon, we had a great life and our memories will keep Den close to all of us. God Bless all of you and thank you, again, for everything.
With love and gratitude,
Carla
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
November 24
Dear Friends,
It is with a heavy heart that I write to tell you that Denny passed away this afternoon. His death was peaceful and gentle and we are comforted knowing that he is happy once again.
Your love, concern, and prayers over the past year and a half will never be forgotten. You provided the strength we needed to get through the challenges and were there to celebrate the small victories. Thank you.
With much love,
Carla, Chip (Jenn, Connor, and Grant,) Shannon (Doug, Ryan, and Keira,) and Dave
It is with a heavy heart that I write to tell you that Denny passed away this afternoon. His death was peaceful and gentle and we are comforted knowing that he is happy once again.
Your love, concern, and prayers over the past year and a half will never be forgotten. You provided the strength we needed to get through the challenges and were there to celebrate the small victories. Thank you.
With much love,
Carla, Chip (Jenn, Connor, and Grant,) Shannon (Doug, Ryan, and Keira,) and Dave
Sunday, November 22, 2009
November 22
Hi,
There really isn't much to report since my last entry. We've had some very long nights--that seems to be the time Denny is most restless. He will calm down for a few minutes if he hears my voice (or Shannon's on the nights she has stayed here with us.) But the calm doesn't last very long. Last night we left the lights and television on, thinking he would sense some activity and possibly feel more secure. It did seem to work for a few hours, so tonight I will try that again. I rearranged his bedroom today so the recliner is next to his good side because it also helps just to hold his hand. I think it helps me as much as him.
I still read to him and every so often he will make one of his deadpan remarks that have always made me laugh. I appreciate all of the e-mails, blog posts, and cards--
it's that special time of the day when he can hear, again, what a great role model he has been to so many students and athletes. When his time does come, he will certainly leave this life knowing he made a difference in this world.
Until next time,
Love,
Carla
There really isn't much to report since my last entry. We've had some very long nights--that seems to be the time Denny is most restless. He will calm down for a few minutes if he hears my voice (or Shannon's on the nights she has stayed here with us.) But the calm doesn't last very long. Last night we left the lights and television on, thinking he would sense some activity and possibly feel more secure. It did seem to work for a few hours, so tonight I will try that again. I rearranged his bedroom today so the recliner is next to his good side because it also helps just to hold his hand. I think it helps me as much as him.
I still read to him and every so often he will make one of his deadpan remarks that have always made me laugh. I appreciate all of the e-mails, blog posts, and cards--
it's that special time of the day when he can hear, again, what a great role model he has been to so many students and athletes. When his time does come, he will certainly leave this life knowing he made a difference in this world.
Until next time,
Love,
Carla
Monday, November 16, 2009
November 16
Hi,
It was a busy weekend with lots of visitors. Although those visits are often brief because Denny is sleeping so much of the time, he is always delighted to see friends and family. He had an extremely rough night Saturday, and that seemed to take a lot out of him. Sadly, he hasn't been out of bed since and communication seems to be more difficult for him. He clearly comprehends what is said to him, but finding words to reply is a challenge. I have so much admiration for how he is handling all of this. To be such a gifted athlete and scholar all his life and now being unable to walk, use his right hand, or speak must be so frustrating for him. Yet, there is neither complaining nor anger for what has happened to him. After all of these years together, I'm really not surprised at the dignified response he's had to this horrible disease and the aggressive treatments he endured, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit to profound sadness mixed with fear and anger. If Den had written a lesson plan about all of this, I just know he would have had a way to make sense out of everything. I guess that's what made him such a gifted teacher.
Love to all of you who are following this blog. I'll continue to update every couple of days. Please keep our family in your prayers.
Many hugs,
Carla
It was a busy weekend with lots of visitors. Although those visits are often brief because Denny is sleeping so much of the time, he is always delighted to see friends and family. He had an extremely rough night Saturday, and that seemed to take a lot out of him. Sadly, he hasn't been out of bed since and communication seems to be more difficult for him. He clearly comprehends what is said to him, but finding words to reply is a challenge. I have so much admiration for how he is handling all of this. To be such a gifted athlete and scholar all his life and now being unable to walk, use his right hand, or speak must be so frustrating for him. Yet, there is neither complaining nor anger for what has happened to him. After all of these years together, I'm really not surprised at the dignified response he's had to this horrible disease and the aggressive treatments he endured, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit to profound sadness mixed with fear and anger. If Den had written a lesson plan about all of this, I just know he would have had a way to make sense out of everything. I guess that's what made him such a gifted teacher.
Love to all of you who are following this blog. I'll continue to update every couple of days. Please keep our family in your prayers.
Many hugs,
Carla
Friday, November 13, 2009
November 13
Hi,
Surprisingly, time is going by faster than ever. I can't believe it's Friday already!
The daily routine of the hospice RN and CNA coming and going, along with the social worker and spiritual director checking in, friends stopping in to visit and/or bring meals after school each day, and the kids coming over at night when I sometimes need help, makes for some pretty busy days. I hope everyone who has helped us in any way know how much we appreciate everything.
Today was the annual Help Your Neighbor Day for the Xavier student body and staff, and we were fortunate to have a group come to our house. Under the supervision of Dave Kubisch, one of Denny's best friends and fellow track coach, that great group of kids completely cleaned out and then reorganized our garage! What a gift!! I'm hoping that the weather is mild enough tomorrow so I can get Denny outside in his wheelchair so he can see the "makeover." I took him out earlier in the week so he could see the renovation going on across the street and he really enjoyed the fresh air and change of scenery. It was tiring for him, and I know it will be again tomorrow, but I know he'll marvel at the orderliness the Kubisch/Bires teams achieved!
All in all, I guess things are going okay. Denny definitely has some periods of time that are much better than others, and there's no denying that his right side has lost just about all of its strength and feeling, but we're adapting. Last night we watched all of "Grey's Anatomy" together and whenever Grant is here, it's a given that he crawls up next to Papa and they watch "Blue's Clues." There's a medicine you can't bottle! Other times there is confusion but I can usually figure out what is troubling him. And the only medicine for that is sleep, because the confusion and fatigue go hand in hand.
That's it for now~I hope you have a great weekend~and I'll write again in a few days.
Love,
Carla
Surprisingly, time is going by faster than ever. I can't believe it's Friday already!
The daily routine of the hospice RN and CNA coming and going, along with the social worker and spiritual director checking in, friends stopping in to visit and/or bring meals after school each day, and the kids coming over at night when I sometimes need help, makes for some pretty busy days. I hope everyone who has helped us in any way know how much we appreciate everything.
Today was the annual Help Your Neighbor Day for the Xavier student body and staff, and we were fortunate to have a group come to our house. Under the supervision of Dave Kubisch, one of Denny's best friends and fellow track coach, that great group of kids completely cleaned out and then reorganized our garage! What a gift!! I'm hoping that the weather is mild enough tomorrow so I can get Denny outside in his wheelchair so he can see the "makeover." I took him out earlier in the week so he could see the renovation going on across the street and he really enjoyed the fresh air and change of scenery. It was tiring for him, and I know it will be again tomorrow, but I know he'll marvel at the orderliness the Kubisch/Bires teams achieved!
All in all, I guess things are going okay. Denny definitely has some periods of time that are much better than others, and there's no denying that his right side has lost just about all of its strength and feeling, but we're adapting. Last night we watched all of "Grey's Anatomy" together and whenever Grant is here, it's a given that he crawls up next to Papa and they watch "Blue's Clues." There's a medicine you can't bottle! Other times there is confusion but I can usually figure out what is troubling him. And the only medicine for that is sleep, because the confusion and fatigue go hand in hand.
That's it for now~I hope you have a great weekend~and I'll write again in a few days.
Love,
Carla
Monday, November 9, 2009
November 9
Hi Everyone,
Just a quick note to let you know that everything is pretty much status quo here. We had an uneventful weekend and today the nurse and I figured out that when Den has been up too long and/or feels really weak, we have to just let him be. Today the nurse just wanted Den to scoot backwards onto the bed and it simply caused him to collapse. It was scary, because for about 20-30 seconds he wasn't responsive, but when he did come to he remembered everything, including what he said to the nurse as his legs gave out. So whether it was a mini seizure, a fainting spell, or something else, I hope we know how to avoid another one.
Otherwise, his appetite is still good. he has no pain, and he has enjoyed the visits with those who have come over. His mental clarity goes hand in hand with the fatigue, so there is a range. I continue to be amazed at the hospice personnel and the care they give. I am even more amazed by the patience and faith Denny exhibits every single day.
Time to head for bed and pray for, among other things, a full night of sleep for both of us.
Love,
Carla
Just a quick note to let you know that everything is pretty much status quo here. We had an uneventful weekend and today the nurse and I figured out that when Den has been up too long and/or feels really weak, we have to just let him be. Today the nurse just wanted Den to scoot backwards onto the bed and it simply caused him to collapse. It was scary, because for about 20-30 seconds he wasn't responsive, but when he did come to he remembered everything, including what he said to the nurse as his legs gave out. So whether it was a mini seizure, a fainting spell, or something else, I hope we know how to avoid another one.
Otherwise, his appetite is still good. he has no pain, and he has enjoyed the visits with those who have come over. His mental clarity goes hand in hand with the fatigue, so there is a range. I continue to be amazed at the hospice personnel and the care they give. I am even more amazed by the patience and faith Denny exhibits every single day.
Time to head for bed and pray for, among other things, a full night of sleep for both of us.
Love,
Carla
Friday, November 6, 2009
November 6
Hi,
Life, as we know it here, has settled into somewhat of a routine. That is because Denny continues to be an incredibly good patient, the hospice nurses are so incredibly helpful, and the kids and friends have been so incredibly available.
Denny is probably sleeping nearly 75% of the time, but when he is awake he enjoys visiting and watching television. His visitors have included classmates from his days in the seminary, colleagues (past and present) from Xavier, friends, and family. The four grandkids continue to light him up when they arrive with their artwork and/or crawl up onto his bed. We are surely trying to create happy memories for all of us.
The hospice nurses don't visit on weekends, but Dave is coming home to help me and I'm sure we'll handle things okay. He and Chip are going to find a way to build up Den's king-sized Lazy-Boy recliner so it sits higher off the floor. That will be a major help for me when I'm here alone and need to transfer him back to bed or to the
commode.
We are delighted to see that the XHS volleyball team is in the State finals tomorrow. GO Hawks!! We'll be with you in spirit when you beat Memorial!!!! We were sorry to see that the football team was defeated tonight, but we know that those boys put 110% in to their season. Congratulations guys and coaches.
Enjoy what is predicted to be a beautiful weekend. Our love and appreciation to everyone reading this entry. It's comforting to know that so many are hanging in there with us!
Love,
Carla
Life, as we know it here, has settled into somewhat of a routine. That is because Denny continues to be an incredibly good patient, the hospice nurses are so incredibly helpful, and the kids and friends have been so incredibly available.
Denny is probably sleeping nearly 75% of the time, but when he is awake he enjoys visiting and watching television. His visitors have included classmates from his days in the seminary, colleagues (past and present) from Xavier, friends, and family. The four grandkids continue to light him up when they arrive with their artwork and/or crawl up onto his bed. We are surely trying to create happy memories for all of us.
The hospice nurses don't visit on weekends, but Dave is coming home to help me and I'm sure we'll handle things okay. He and Chip are going to find a way to build up Den's king-sized Lazy-Boy recliner so it sits higher off the floor. That will be a major help for me when I'm here alone and need to transfer him back to bed or to the
commode.
We are delighted to see that the XHS volleyball team is in the State finals tomorrow. GO Hawks!! We'll be with you in spirit when you beat Memorial!!!! We were sorry to see that the football team was defeated tonight, but we know that those boys put 110% in to their season. Congratulations guys and coaches.
Enjoy what is predicted to be a beautiful weekend. Our love and appreciation to everyone reading this entry. It's comforting to know that so many are hanging in there with us!
Love,
Carla
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
November 4
Good morning,
After a great day Monday, yesterday may have been one of Denny's worst to date. He also put in a very rough night, so I'm anticipating he'll get lots of sleep today.
Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers today, so that his rest is peaceful and, if possible, refreshing, so he is able to visit with the friends he misses so much who usually visit in the late afternoons. You have all been so incredible and I am so thankful for your dedication to the great guy I've been lucky enough to be married to.
Love always,
Carla
After a great day Monday, yesterday may have been one of Denny's worst to date. He also put in a very rough night, so I'm anticipating he'll get lots of sleep today.
Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers today, so that his rest is peaceful and, if possible, refreshing, so he is able to visit with the friends he misses so much who usually visit in the late afternoons. You have all been so incredible and I am so thankful for your dedication to the great guy I've been lucky enough to be married to.
Love always,
Carla
Monday, November 2, 2009
November 2
Hi,
A routine is starting to fall into place with the help of the wonderful caregivers from Heartland Hospice, our kids, and friends. Denny sleeps quite a bit, but when he's awake he enjoys his company, watches TV, and looks forward to me reading any messages for him. I think today was exceptionally good as he was up a little longer than usual and was interested in watching both baseball games and the football game
all at the same time! His dad, brother (Pat), and sister-in-law (Julie) were here yesterday and I know he really enjoyed that visit. They came with rakes in hand, so our yard looks great, too! Angels all around!!
The other part of Den's routine is to wake up a couple of times during the night, so I am trying to get to bed earlier than usual for me. With that, I'll sign off for this time and head for bed.
Thank you, everyone, for your continued prayers.
Love,
Carla
A routine is starting to fall into place with the help of the wonderful caregivers from Heartland Hospice, our kids, and friends. Denny sleeps quite a bit, but when he's awake he enjoys his company, watches TV, and looks forward to me reading any messages for him. I think today was exceptionally good as he was up a little longer than usual and was interested in watching both baseball games and the football game
all at the same time! His dad, brother (Pat), and sister-in-law (Julie) were here yesterday and I know he really enjoyed that visit. They came with rakes in hand, so our yard looks great, too! Angels all around!!
The other part of Den's routine is to wake up a couple of times during the night, so I am trying to get to bed earlier than usual for me. With that, I'll sign off for this time and head for bed.
Thank you, everyone, for your continued prayers.
Love,
Carla
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